Persistant abdominal pain

The pain persists, in my right side of my abdonminal. Dr Brenda Low did two ultrasound scans on my two visits for the past two weeks and found two 'dark cysts' around my right and left ovaries. Though through the tumour blood tests it is normal and is deem not cancerous, how I heave a sigh of relief! Dr Brenda Low, ahhh she captured my heart the very first time moment I saw her. And if surgery is inevitable I will allow her to do it on me for I am comfortable and have great faith in her. The pain persists and seems to get worst when I am having my menses and whenever I stand up and walk. Seeing Dr Low is expensive but the attention I received is fulfilling. I will try to avoid surgery at all cost but my feelings is unavoidable, however controllable indeed!!!

Welcome Clinic For Women

Welcome Clinic For Women

I was recently referred to Dr Brenda Low's clinic as I have experience abdominal pain on my right side. Upon diagnosis via ultrasound scan, there were some 'dark things' found around my ovaries. Though alarm and worried sick, I can only pray for the best. Tried as I might to remain focus I can't help but being drawn towards her by her caring warmness ways towards me, maybe she does that to all patients. I tell myself I want to stand out among the rest of her patients. I believe under her care I will be alright.

Mid-morning thoughts on a October Day...

It's mid-morning and I begin to feel my hunger pangs, tummy growling signaling that I should eat. The office is quiet, I am trying to do my housekeeping on my desktop, kinda messy. I am perturb by the fact that in this organisation I am in, certain tasks can only be done after the other party has done their part. At times I find myself losing my patience with them... ahhhh this is where interpersonal skills comes in place.
Was slightly upset when told off gently by the Power 98 morning jam crew to stop sms-ing them for I guess my infatuation with Shareen Wong persist hopelessly. It's just sms-ing, the only way I can reveal my feelings to her, with tact of course. Lately I find myself falling head over heels in love with women. Tested my sexuality last night, my partner came over and we had a great time...I am still normal as I can still reach my level of climax satisfaction. I have never had a female partner, I wonder how will it like, perhaps women will tend to be gentler than men in bed, I reckon.

Condor October...

It's lunch hour now and i am taking a break from my usual work routine. I have almost settle most of my office matters in the morning routine, and it is more of a relax now with my favourite radio station Power 98. My favourite presenter in the morning jam programme Shareen Wong, whom I am having a hopeless crush on... her voice gives me quivers and arouse my inner thoughts. I am not a lesbian, more of a bisexual by nature... what a pity indeed or is it because of my past failed relationships with men that I am yearning for love from women. My affections for these women are getting dangerously younger and younger... sexuality I am full-grown woman, a prey for the men of my life. For years I've never dare to profess my feelings so directly to a woman until I met Shareen Wong, I don't wish to waste time in pursuit of her friendship only to sink into immerse grief and psychological damage that would take a long period to heal, I hate that mental roller coaster ride. It's fine that she rejected me quickly, I take it in good stride this time. However this sparks off my desire and yearning for female, my own kind, sexually or not it depends. Of course I do have erotic dreams on these beautiful women only to be brought into reality when dawn breaks.

Thoughts on the October Night

The smoothing vocals of the countertenor singing Vivaldi's sacred music woken me from my sleep, 15 minutes before midnight and I decided to get off my sheets to pen my thoughts, something which I used to do whenever I am depressed. Not so much of now though as it has not reached the dangerous pinacle where pain exceeds its threshould of endurance. I am still in control.

The thought of my sexuality came to my mind again, am I straight or a bisexual. My shrink seems to be able to discern as he has dropped hints on my sexual preferance and i shudder at the thought of his words. I begin harbour sexual thoughts on women, they used to belong to the age group of 50s but these two years I see myself attracted to younger women, age group ranging from lates 30s to early 40s. Bewildered, I fought hard to control them and may it be under control as it is now...

Sex versus Sexuality

As I grow older, as age catches up with me, I begin to question my sexuality preferance. I am a female by birth, reached puberty at the age of 13 years old, have my fair share of sexual desires and perhaps experience with the opposite male sex. However deep down since the age of 12 years old, I developed a passion for elderly ladies, ladies of maternal nature. I remember it broke my mother's heart when she learnt of this strange passion of mine, as years passed by she has given up on me. I remember in my twenties I yearn for the maternal love of women in their fifties, suffered psychological wound and brokeness through merciless rejections. As I reached my early thirties I am 'bewildered' of my sexuality that I begin to fall for younger women, women in their forties, ironically it may sound but it is true fact of my life. My shrink is helpless when I told him my feelings towards these women. I have never been physically intimate with any of them but do harbour sexual thoughts on them. I can only conclude I am a besexual by nature.

Octave October ...

I have not written for a long long time, almost three months. Have been busy with my work for the past months. i begin to question my long-term goals again. Strategic, I would want to try something more innovative, something more of like policy making instead of being always a Buyer. Of course I do enjoy being a Buyer but I have been one for more than a decade since graduation. However, perhaps the time is not right yet as I am denied the opportunity to pursue my alternate interests. It came down hard on me and physically-drained, I succumbed into the seasonal flu various, I am recovering slowly as I am writing this entry. Not giving up, I continue the pursuit of my interest, with my prevailance I believe the right opportunity will come, soon